As a general rule, guys are more aggressive about everything, including pursuing women. And I must admit that, often times, it takes a lot of attempting to get a girl to go out with you or do whatever. Most women’s default answer to things is “no” and that sucks. A lot of women also need to be chased some as part of the process of her liking the guy and will at least subconsciously shoot the guy down even when she is interested.
Dating women is a lot like sales. If you have ever been in sales of any kind, then you know that a good salesperson doesn’t stop with the first “no” they get. And the harder the thing there is to sell, the more “no’s” there will be to deal with during the process. When it comes to dating, if you don’t look like Brad Pitt with a seven-figure income, then chances are, getting a date can be a hard sell.
To some guys, trying to get women to go do something with them is easy. They effortlessly say the right things and the girls just respond to them positively. Those guys never have to wonder whether or not they should keep trying. They don’t have to be that aggressive.
The average guy does have to be aggressive in their pursuit of a woman. They can’t stop with the first no she gives him. He has to put himself out there more than he wants to. Otherwise, he’ll never get any girl. It’s an unfortunate truth that guys have to stick their necks out and risk getting their head chopped off before some women will respond to them positively.
This fact is why it’s really hard to determine when it’s time for men to stop trying to get the girl they want. There is a point though when a guy should stop. If you feel you are having an issue knowing when, then read on.
SOME SIGNS TO TELL YOU IT’S TIME TO STOP TRYING
Clearly when a girl tells you to “stop fucking calling you”, has issued a restraining order against you, or sent her brother over to kick your ass, it’s time to move on. If you want to learn to take the hint before it comes to this, then you’ll have to learn the more subtle signs that she’s done with your pursuit of her.
She never answers her phone
It has become a rare occurrence when someone doesn’t know when someone else has called them. Your missed call pops on her screen and has your number on it, so even if she wasn’t by her phone when you called, she saw later that you called. So if she didn’t call you back, then she may want you to stop calling her. If you called twice with no answer or returned call, then yea, move on. She’s not interested.
If you have called her more than twice with no response, Dude, move on. You’re a creep.
She answers your text or messenger with very short responses
Maybe she was busy when she read your correspondence and that’s why she only gave a one-word response so you send her another engaging text. She again returns with just a “wow” or “nice” or another low emotion emoji. Well my friend, it’s looking like she’s not interested in you.
It takes her a long time to respond to your text or messages
Did you send a girl a text or message and didn’t get a response back from her for a full day or two or three? OK then, if she didn’t just go on a cruise where she didn’t buy the wi-fi package, then chances are she’s trying to give you a hint that she’s not into.
The length of time it takes to respond to a text is an important tell. I once started texting a girl I hadn’t talked to in a while. The first text I sent her didn’t get a response for a full day. I waited a good long while before I hit her back. My second text still took her a while to answer me, but it was OK because the time was shorter than the first. I waited for a shorter period of time to send her my third correspondence and then it took her even less time to respond. After a couple days of texting, we were answering each other back right away.
This girl and I kept shortening our response times to each other’s text which was an Indicator that we were still interested. Now, I’ve been in texting situations where the opposite happens. The girl takes longer and longer to answer me which tells me she’s loosing or lost interest. At some point, I stop messaging because I know she’s done with me.
She stops responding to your correspondences
If you are leaving voicemails and sending texts to her and she is not answering any of them, this means she’s either in a coma or trying to tell you something. My personal rule is to correspond a maximum of three times without getting a response. If she doesn’t hit me back at all in one, two, or even three attempts, then I will stop trying. Nobody likes feeling like a clown and that’s what you should be feeling if she isn’t answering you back and you keep trying. Don’t do that.
She never does anything with you
She may be talking with you through messaging pretty good but every time you offer to go do something with her, she declines. Even when you tell her you scored great seats to her favorite band, she somehow can’t make it. She may never just say “no” which sucks for you, but she always has an excuse to not do whatever you invite her to. This means she’s doesn’t want to hurt you but isn’t at all interested in you. Move on. It may seem like you still have a shot, but you don’t. She’s just being nice. If she was even a little interested, she would go do at least one thing with you. Stop texting her.
She tells you to get lost
It’s nothing but pathetic when a girl straight up tells a guy she’s not interested and to take a fucking hike and leave her alone, and somehow he doesn’t hear her and keeps trying. Some women are very good at putting guys on their bikes when they don’t want to deal with their pursuits and will tell them to hit the road quickly and efficiently. For the most part though, women will tell a guy something very direct like “leave me the fuck alone” or “Don’t fucking call me again. Ever” only as a last resort. This happens only after they have tried being nice or letting you down easy.
When you hear a female say “Please leave me alone”, think back and realize that she has been giving you hints and signs for a while now. You’re not taking the hints has forced her to have to be a bitch to you. You don’t want to be that guy.
WHY WOMEN AREN’T MORE DIRECT
You may be a decent looking guy with a fair amount of success and a good personality. You may have had to let a girl or two down in your life because she was interested in you but you weren’t in her. It usually sucks to have to turn someone down who likes you. Especially if they are nice and did nothing wrong to get the rejection. You want to let them down easy and make excuses that have nothing to do with them.
Some women are motivated to let guys down for the same reason. There are a couple of differences though between a woman’s situation and a guy’s when it comes to rejecting.
WHY WOMEN REJECT DIFFERENTLY THAN MEN
A lot of guys are angry at the way women express their disinterest. It may be helpful to remember that they are rejecting males, which is not nearly as easy as rejecting women. Here are some differences.
Guys are more aggressive
Men have more testosterone so they naturally try to solve their issues with aggression more. It’s not easy when you know that it’s going to take many attempts to get a person to stop pursuing you. It changes your tactics in achieving the objective of getting rid of someone.
Have you ever tried to break up with a girl and you knew it was going to be hard because she won’t get it and will keep trying? With this girl, you can’t just tell her the brutal truth and to stay the fuck away from you forever. It Sucks, right? Well, the average guy is like this, so women have to deal with this all the time. Women are forced to make this their default process for rejection because that’s what they have to do almost every time they need to get rid of a guy.
Women are physically in fear of men
Margret Atwood displayed a genius observation when she said “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” When a guy rejects a woman, he usually doesn’t have to worry about being physically assaulted by her. I mean, unless you ’ve hooked up with a psycho bitch that will cook your pet rabbit when you break it off, like the chick in that movie “Fatal Attraction”.
Every time a girl has to let a guy know she’s not or no longer interested in him anymore, she has to factor in that he could potentially do her physical harm because of it. If she’s protected by a dad or brothers or guy friends who are looking out for her, she can be more direct. But most women I know don’t have much male protection from dickless creeps who can’t handle rejection well.
As a man, it can be hard to understand the position most women are in. I have seen a few guys be super aggressive with women who don’t have any male protection. Those guys will change their tune when they know a girl has at least one guy that will beat the ever loving shit out of him if he continues to bother her. I have happily gone to an event or somewhere with a girlfriend of mine who is having an issue shaking a guy and know the guy will be there. It usually just takes some good male to male eye contact to let the guy know he’ll be dealing with another male if he keeps fucking with her. When the notion that another guy is there to handle shit, he moves on. That’s how pronounced a woman’s position is when dealing with men.
Women have to reject a lot
Some years back when I was online dating, I suspected that women dating online
I was absolutely shocked at the sheer number of responses I got from the first one. It was literally a hundred responses to maybe each one I would get on my own real guy one. I thought this couldn’t be accurate, so I made another. This time I used pics of a less attractive girl about thirty pounds over and threw in a couple of red flags like mentioning sex as not being important and set his ideal income level at 100+k per year.
To my amazement, this next profile still got many, many times more action than mine did. The first one with the hotter chick pics did get more attention, but not by as much as you might think. The whole experiment made me realize just how aggressive guys are with dating and how many guys that women have to deal with when dating. They have hugely more dudes perusing them than us. And that changes things quite a bit.
More guys in aggressive pursuit of women means that women have to reject more than men. A lot more! After a while, girls form a system for rejection for themselves mainly based on their past rejecting experiences. This refines their rejection process which makes it seem less authentic and more canned.
Women are well aware that most guys just want sex
Let’s be completely honest here. Almost 100% of dudes are basing their want and attraction of a girl on wanting to have sex with them. Even good guys like me, someone who avoids one night stands and wants to get to know a female well beforehand, wants to fuck a girl he is pursuing and wants to do it very soon. And there are many guys who just want to fuck a chick and then move on. This is a fact that women are very well aware of and it changes the timing and the way they reject a guy.
It would change you, too. Imagine being a famously wealthy guy who knows that most of the women he meets know she just wants him because he is rich. Imagine how your process of choosing a girl to date would be different than it is now. After a hundred women trying to get with you and your money, you would be able to easily identify the money grubbers. Which is most of them. Your process for sending girls packing would be very different than it is now.
DON’T BE THE GUY WHO DOESN’T TAKE THE HINT
I know as well as any guy that this potentially is not an easy thing to do. I am in no way saying that guys should stop trying to date a woman with her first negative response. The dating game is, in fact, a game. Sometimes persistence is what it takes to get the girl AND the girl needed you to be persistent so she could eventually let her guards down and see that you would be someone she wants to hang with.
It’s a slippery slope though when you think she needs you to be persistent. She may not. She may be truly not into you and never will be, and is trying to let you know that in the most effective way. By you’re not catching what she’s throwing though, so you are clowning yourself by continuing to try.
The best thing you can do is move on when a girl is making it difficult to pursue her. If you think it isn’t time yet though, then I recommend proceeding using these three tips.
TIPS FOR CONTINUING THE PURSUIT OF A WOMAN IF YOU’RE NOT SURE IF SHE IS DONE WITH YOU
Slow your roll
The best thing I know to do is if you are not sure whether a girl is done with you or not, slow it down. Wait good long periods of time before texting or messaging her. Make it very obvious to her that your correspondence has changed and slowed. And only send messages that don’t require her to answer in a timely manner or at all.
Stop asking her to do stuff –
She has turned you down enough. Don’t allow her to turn you down anymore by avoiding any invitations to meet you. When you message her, talk about whatever you want but don’t make any type of “call to action”. Plan on never asking her to do anything again.
Continue to pursue other women
Guys can get obsessed fairly easily and when they do, they shut down all other interests. Pursuing other women lessens the importance of this one girl’s attention. And that will resonate with your correspondences with her. It’s very important for her to think you are not trying to get with her as hard or at all, so anything to help that is good.
Never text or message when drinking
I know this is standard, across the board, good advice, but it is super important to keep your slow rolling cool. Just one mistake of being drunk and texting a call to action or making a sexual reference will kill every bit of progress you made and ruin any chance of her trusting that your “coolness” is authentic. Don’t do it!
Eventually, wait for her to initiate communication
So you’ve slowed it down by only texting every once in a good while and you don’t ask her to do anything anymore. At some point, you have to stop and wait to see if she ever sends you a random message. If she does, great. But keep you cool and continue very slowly and wait for her to build things. If she never does, then you know it’s done. You now know it’s not going to happen and can forget about her forever while keeping your male dignity.
There is zero point for me approaching any woman because rejection is always guaranteed. No woman is interested in me so I never show interest no matter how attractive she is. Approaching means putting myself in a position where I am likely to be accused.
I feel your pain, Paul. I’m not the most optimistic guy in the world, but I do think there is someone for everyone. Often times a lot of someones.
I don’t know you at all, but I would say that you could identify why you think no women are interested in you, and then work on that or those issues.
Attraction equals work. I know a lot people think that’s not true, but it absolutely is! More attractive people work harder at it than less attractive people. Period.
Making more of an effort to be attractive to women, whatever that is to you, will give you more confidence to talk to them. And that will make you more attractive.
Remember that many women have to spend an hour or more in front of a mirror putting on make-up just to feel attractive enough to go to the grocery store and buy food. How much better will you feel by making more of an effort than you do now? And by doing so, how much more attractive do you think you will be? Don’t give up, Paul. You might surprise yourself.