Meeting women? Secrets to keeping her guard down

As a general rule, women are far more guarded than men. You can’t blame them. It’s hard to get and keep a woman’s guard down. Guys can be very aggressive toward women and are the physically stronger gender which can make it quite annoying and sometimes dangerous for them (women). Some guys hold it against women being so guarded but they shouldn’t. Just the increased testosterone alone can make guys irritatingly aggressive. I experienced this first hand. 

Many years ago, my ex and I went with a group of friends (along with my gay brother) to Pleasure Island during Gay Days at a property of Disney World in Orlando. Pleasure Island used to be this giant entertainment venue that had bars, restaurants, live music venues, and a big dance club. Now, during “gay days”, this place (along with many other Disney World venues) is packed with mostly male homosexuals. This wasn’t too much culture shock for me as I have been to gay bars and Key West in the eighties before. But I will say that Pleasure Island during “gay days” is homosexually extreme. 

That night we went to the club called Mannequins and it was absolutely packed wall to wall with mainly gay men. And even though I stayed glued to my wife while in there, the gay guys were incredibly aggressive. I think three different guys grabbed my crouch as we were just making our way through to the dance floor. The situation was so extreme that I couldn’t be pissed and I certainly couldn’t do anything about it. I was happy to get out of there though. On the way home, I just laughed off how groped I had gotten and went about my heterosexual life unscathed. 

 I never forgot though how I felt at the time. This must be something like what women have to go through with guys. This was a shit position for me and not many of those guys even outweighed me. I imagined if that situation was full of gay football linesmen. How much worse would it have been if every gay guy there was seventy-plus pounds heavier and five inches taller than me? Well that, I thought, must be what women have to go through when dealing with men. 

If a girl has her guard up with you, you can forget about getting to know her better until it comes down. And you need to get to know her more before you can become friends, date, or even have sex with her. This rule is so true that even prostitutes won’t fuck you until their guard comes down at least enough to know you won’t kill her. 

This may seem super obvious, but how many guys do you see out there in the world trying to pick up some chick with her guard still up? It’s always pathetic looking because unless he can get her guard down, he’s gonna strike out one hundred percent of the time. Not exactly sure what I’m talking about? No problem. Here are six signs that a girl has her guard up:


1. She doesn’t look at you  – Eye contact is incredibly important from beginning to end. If you are trying to make eye contact with a girl across the room and she’s not doing it, that may just be bad timing. When you go over to talk to her though and she’s not looking at you while you are talking and she is talking, then she is more than likely closed herself off to you and there’s a good chance she wants you to go away. 

2. Her answers are short – While talking to her, if you can only pull out one or two-word answers to your questions, she may be guarded. This means she’s protecting herself from you by giving you the absolute least amount of information about her. She knows instinctively that the more open she is with giving you information, the more questions you can ask her. And at this point, she may not trust you enough to give you even her dog’s name. 

3. She doesn’t ask you anything – Some guys can be so aggressive and creepy that if a girl asks him even one single obligatory question, he thinks she’s into him. Dude, just because she returned a polite “how are you?”, doesn’t mean her guard is down and she is now receptive to getting to know you. More than likely she’s just trying to be nice. Don’t make her pay for that. If the convo is only going in one direction, her guard is up. 

4. She closes off her body to you – If a girl’s guard is up, she can’t just snap her fingers and make the dude go away. But she can close her body off to him and pretend he’s not there. If it looks like she’s trying to make herself small or if she is only acknowledging you over her shoulder, her guard is up. Back off a little and allow her body language to let her breathe again.

5. She keeps away from you – Does it seem the female you are interested in is always across the room from you no matter what? You are trying to position yourself around her so you can talk to her at a party and you never seem to get next to her. Now that may just be logistical bad luck. Or it may be that she is avoiding you like the plague of creepiness you may be. Her guard is up.

6. She tells you “no” – Again, this is such a simple sign that a woman’s guard is up yet some guys just don’t see it. As a general rule, I avoid asking someone I’m interested in a question that she can say “no” to, but some guys can’t wait and wind up asking her questions. While trying to get to know her, you might ask:

You “Are you from here?”

Her “No”

You “Do you like live music?”

Her “Not really”

You “Do you like dogs/cats?”

Her “No”

You “Can I get your info”

Her “I really can’t”

You “Do you like to travel?”

Her “Not much”

You “What do you do for fun?”

Her “Nothing much”

You “Want to go grab a coffee sometime?”

Her “I don’t think so”

Do you see a pattern here? Just about every female on the planet likes domestic animals, to see live music, and loves going places. The above girl doesn’t seem to like anything. Her guard it up!


This is a really big mistake that guys who aren’t good with women make. They think that just because the girl who they just saw or met is doing all the six negative above things, that she isn’t and will never be interested in him. This may be true but may not be too.

When a girl has her guard up with you, she is only in protection mode. Self-preservation is her only goal in this state. She’s not really capable of making attraction determinations when closed off. That would require a contradiction to her demeanor. In other words, she would have to be open enough to allow information regarding the guy trying to talk to her. She can’t do that when her guard is up. It’s an impossibility. 

Learning to recognize when a female’s guard is up is fairly easy as many of them have it up most of the time when they are out in the real world. The real trick is in keeping them from putting their guard up more or preventing them from putting themselves in protection mode at all. Some guys naturally understand how to do this and therefore can easily get close to women fairly quickly. Other guys are fucking clueless.

If you think you might be one of those guys who make a woman’s brains yell “Shields Up!” to her inner self like a starship captain encountering an enemy vessel, then these ten tips are for you. 


1. Don’t make excessive eye contact – I get it. Some women are mesmerizingly beautiful, especially if you haven’t been laid in a while. I think every guy at some point in his life has been busted staring uncontrollably at some girl. So we get caught by her, look away and feel stupid, and learn to not do that. If you have not yet learned to control yourself with staring at women, then learn right now. 

A girl discovering that you are gawking her moves her creep meter all the way to the right. You are now a creep to her and she will become quite guarded against you. So don’t stare!

2. Don’t square your shoulder to her – This is one of those subtle body language things. Don’t underestimate though, how much more aggressive a guy can seem when he squares his shoulders to someone. This is a lizard brain thing. You can’t really fully attack someone without your shoulders being squared to them. Communicating and/or sitting slightly to the side will help in keeping her guard down. 

3. Don’t say anything questionable – When engaged in early convo, it’s never a good idea to start mentioning things like blowjobs or anal sex or violence or bathroom humor. After you get to know each other and are dating, she may be a freak who enjoys all access sex, real-life gore, and fart jokes. But she doesn’t know you. Don’t make the mistake of showing your freaky side too soon. 

Remember that she doesn’t know you yet. What you are talking about could make her think you might want to chop her up in little pieces or are some severe sexual deviant. Not good. 

4. Don’t be judgmental – So, you may be successful at making women not feel physically threatened by you. And you may be good at her not thinking that you are some weirdo sexual deviant. But her guard can still go up if she doesn’t feel comfortable with being herself. 

Some dudes are just a little too pro-male. They hang out with guys all the time watching sports, doing sports, and doing the guy shit. This kind of guy maybe judgmental of how females feel, act, and/or respond to situations. Girls cry, like things to smell pretty, and sometimes believe in some really stupid shit. If you are a man’s man, don’t judge her for being a girl. If you do, her guard will go up and you’ll be locked out. 

Create an environment of non-judgment around you so she can feel comfortable being herself. That will most certainly keep her open to you.

5. Don’t be angry or mean – I’ve got a couple of pretty angry friends. There is certainly an entertainment value to some hot passion. Women though are not fans of guys being angry and especially don’t like them mean. This is magnified with them because the male gender is bigger, stronger, and most importantly, has more testosterone.  

Being angry or mean when trying to get to know a girl sends a major wave of caution though her psyche. Her lizard brain will tell her you are an asshole that may hit her. She will be quickly put her guard back up. So don’t be angry or mean.

6. Be non-threatening – With this, I mean more than just the physical sense. You and whoever this woman is don’t know each other. It’s a really great idea to not challenge any stances she may be taking on certain things during the conversation. You can ask what she means by this or that opinion, but don’t threaten her position on them. 

I’m not saying to be overly excepting here. What I am saying though, is that you are just getting to know each other. You’ll have plenty of time to argue over Trump and plant-based diets after you know each other. 

Threaten who she is or how she feels too soon and she’ll stop feeling comfortable enough to continue to let you in. Guess what? Her guard will go up. 

7.  Don’t think about fucking her – This may seem too specific but I am a big believer in body language and when you are thinking about something intense, it shows through. I’m not saying this is a bad idea in general. I feel the opposite. My dad told me of this little trick after he got divorced from my mother. “You gotta just visualize fucking a girl while you are talking to her. Somehow she can sense it”, he would tell me. 

This may be a good mind hack for letting someone know you want them but it can work in the opposite in preventing a female’s guard from going up. Ideally, a guy shouldn’t say or think about sex in any way with a girl until you reach some level of trust with her. It doesn’t have to be a strong level of trust, but if the girl doesn’t know you at all, she may raise her guard just because she thinks you’re just wanting to fuck her and that’s all. 

Now you may ultimately only want to fuck her and run. And she may ultimately want the same from you, but neither of you will be able to accomplish that unless you can keep her guard down long enough for her to allow it. Make sense?

8. Don’t be aggressive – As a general rule, males are more aggressive than females and that’s how it should be. As a guy, it might not be fair or even suck that I have to stick my neck out more than women do, but I am a man and am OK with this. It’s just part of being an alpha man. We have to deal with more rejection, period. 

Being too aggressive too soon though is usually a really bad idea. So if you are getting to know a girl and am putting in the work and you feel it may be a little too much, slow down that roll and take it down a little. Let her drive some of the convo. Come at her too hard and she’ll raise the gate on your ass and you’ll be locked out. 

9. Don’t touch her – I remember my early days of being divorced. I read a shit-ton from the pick-up artist community back then and it was all fascinating to me. All the rules and tricks and terms were quite educating to a guy who hadn’t been on the market for years. After a while, I determined that about ninety percent of all that was utter bullshit, but there was some good stuff there. 

Many of the PUA community had specific rules for touching and I agree with some of it. With making sure a girl’s guard doesn’t go up though, my touch rule is simple, “don’t fucking do it!” A simple brush of your hand across her shoulder may be a perfect escalator at the right time, but do it too soon and she’ll close up like a clam in cold water. 

Wait until you have built trust before attempting the touch. If you aren’t sure if you’re there yet, decide not to do it until you know.

10. Be cool – I have met some really cool dudes over the years. They have a huge advantage over the rest of us. They seem to know when to do and say, and when to not organically. If you are a cool guy, you probably don’t need to read this article at all. In truth, all of these ways to act I have mentioned here just describe being cool. Being cool is the top-level, pinnacle dude when it comes to this.  

Women love cool dudes! Cool guys won’t beat them, judge them, threaten them, be assholes, and won’t creep them out. This personality is perfect for keeping a woman’s guard down. 


Not everything works for everyone. Some women are guarded with everyone no matter the environment. Some of them might be so for a good and tragic reason. There’s no telling what someone has been through in their past. Humans can be pretty nasty to each other. 

Personally, I believe that just about anyone will eventually let their guard down as we as humans need at least some small amount of social existence. But if you have honed in on someone you think you might like and she’s just not coming around even though you only genuinely want to get to know her, then you may want to move on. There are a lot of good people in this world. You really don’t have to die on somebody’s socially damaged hill. Move on if you have to. 

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