Manly guide to texting

For many now, texting is their primary form of communication. No one under the age of forty wants to talk on the phone anymore.

I know that I don’t. My business phone’s voicemail greeting, now asks new and potential customers to text me if they want me to respond to them. At first, I thought it might piss people off, but I quickly learned that most of them wanted to text too. Only the super old centenarians have a problem with it.

Texting has become the primary communication type for courting and dating too. Now, when you get a girl’s number, you text her. Calling her would be way too personal. She probably would “brush you off the plate” by not answering. Even if you leave her a voicemail (which I don’t recommend) and she decides to respond, she’ll answer you by sending you a text. At that point, when she answers your old school voicemail with a text, your only option is to text her back and start communicating with her in that way. Try to call her again, and she’ll label you as a needy, stalker weirdo, and you’ll be shut down.

WHY DO WE ALL PREFER TO TEXT?

Texting may not be the most efficient way for two people to communicate information to each other, but it has some key advantages. This isn’t just some newer way of doing something that only younger people do and is only just stupid. There are real advantages texting has over voice communicating, and they are why we all do it.

ADVANTAGES OF TEXTING

You don’t get interrupted – With each text; we get to complete our thought without it getting talked over or verbally segued to something else.

You have more time to think – We don’t always take advantage of this but texting gives you time to think about what your response will be. This is great if you’re angry as you are less likely to say something stupid that you’ll later regret saying. Of course, with texting, we still have the option of saying shit we didn’t want to.

The correspondence is documented – This is a big advantage of talking as text changes the “he said, she said” game. When someone tells you “I didn’t say that”, you can both read the text in question. It’s a great advancement in communication for this reason alone. No more remembering stuff wrongly. It’s all documented, and all parties have a copy.

You can answer at your convenience – When we don’t want to deal with someone right away, and it’s not time sensitive, we don’t have to. We respond when we want to. It’s so sweet.

You can communicate whenever you want – It has become commonly accepted that people can text any time they want. Wake up in the middle of the night and can’t sleep? Get some of your next day texting out of the way. Some consider it rude to text after hours, but it’s ok for more and more people.

You can communicate with people you don’t want to talk to – Years ago, when my mother started texting, I was ecstatic. Now, I could see how she was doing without having to invest a minimum of thirty minutes worth of phone call congestion mainly of health issue convo.

TEXTING LIKE A MAN

Is this really a thing? As men, do we really have to worry about how we text? Well, of course, we do. We have to try to be men no matter what we are doing and communicating well as a man is important. Here are a few tips:

* Respond clearly – Make sure people understand your text. Girls and kids can get away with being cutely aloof or vague. Make your point well and efficiently.

* Don’t bombard with a bunch of texts – Sending out eight texts in a row with no response is not manly for some reason.

* Limit the use of emojis – Emojis are cute and can be an effective addition to your point. But ending a text with a banana, a palm tree, a sailboat, a coconut, a hula dancer, and a rainbow just doesn’t feel masculine.

* Don’t bitch a lot – Text bitching back and forth is what hens would do if they had cell phones. Limit your complaint entries.

* Answer in a timely manner – Let people know you will reliably respond to them by being timely. I don’t mean answering too quickly but don’t take too long for them to hear from you.

* Don’t fight – Fist fights are manly. Text fights are not. If you are having an issue so big with someone that you need to argue it out, do it by talking on the phone or in person.

* Don’t be an asshole – This is general advice that applies to texting too. Having a rough day? Don’t take it out on those not responsible. Text your point across and leave out the parting shots.

* Don’t hide behind texting. Call if you have to – It doesn’t matter who you are. Everyone wants to avoid certain things and people at certain times. If your avoidance of something isn’t making it go away and is resulting in an endless amount of back and forth texting, man up and make the call or visit if that is what it’s going to take to resolve the issue.

TEXTING AND DATING

More than a few years ago, I was in a long distance dating with someone. Because of this, we would text a lot. With me being a nice guy and all, and into this girl pretty hard, I would always text her back regardless of what the text was. I thought I was being polite by giving her a reply every time. That was a big mistake. While we were arguing one day, my then girlfriend told me how irritated she was by me always answering her text. “Why can’t you just let me make the last text sometimes?” She said. We were even arguing about something else when she said this, so that told me how annoyed she was by it. I didn’t notice I was doing it, so her comment allowed me to realize my texting mistake. We didn’t last but did get along a little better when I made the “not always texting back” adjustment. With communication being so important when dating, it can be crucial to text like a man. Here are a few guidelines:

Don’t always answer back – As the above story tells you, responding to every text can be off-putting to the girl you are dating. It may make you look overly wanting or desperate, controllable, like you don’t have a life, non-mysterious, unchallenging, easy to get, and/or maybe just weird. Not texting back sometimes can suggest all the opposite things to her. It can make you seem busy, more in demand, independent, mysterious, less controllable, and in charge of your time and life.

2. Do not text any more than three times before getting a response – You might be reading this and thinking “three times is too much”. Well, I agree, but three is the absolute maximum. In many cases, while first texting with a girl, it’s best to only send one text. If she doesn’t respond, forget about it. But there are situations when a timely second text is needed and in rare cases, a third. But that’s absolutely it. If she doesn’t answer whatever you texted to her by then, move on quick. It doesn’t matter the situation. She may really like you when she gets to know you, but if you text her even one time too many, she will shut you down and label you with some kind of weirdo, desperate, needy, or loser sticker. It’s always best to wait her out.

3. Be careful when you drunk text – I have to admit that sometimes, drunk texting can get you laid or get the ball rolling between you and a woman. It’s rare, but there are situations when you’re drinking and decide to stick your neck out and text a girl you know something more direct than you would ever say sober, and it works out.
More often though, your horny stated drunkenness will lower your inhibitions, and you’ll blow any chances with a girl by texting something way too direct. Personally, I say to avoid texting girls when you’re drunk.

4. No dick pics – I’m really not sure why guys think sending a picture of their dicks to a girl will work in some way. It won’t! Sending a girl a junk pic may not always completely shut down your chances with her, but if for some reason it doesn’t, you’ll have a lot more work to do to get her than if you had never sent it. Sometimes, a girl will ask you for a dick pic. I had a girlfriend that asked for one, and after saying no for about six months, I finally caved in and sent one. She loved it, and I wound up sending her a few more over the next couple of months, but we were in an established relationship at that point. I would never send one to someone I’m just getting to know. EVER! It’s not manly.

5. Follow all the dating rules when texting – Normal dating rules like avoiding the topics of religion and politics, keeping it respectful and light, and never asking her a question that she can say “no” to are important. Bragging and being arrogant comes through even though you are only texting, so always be cool and follow all the dating rules.

6. Have good timing with your responses – It’s not always a good thing to text a girl back right away. Depending on the topic of conversation, letting the right amount of time to pass before answering can be key. To give an example, if she asks you what you are doing right now, you can text her right back. But, if during the convo, she asks if you have a girlfriend or some other probing question, waiting to answer is best. Letting her wonder about why you’re not answering right away can intensify her question, making your delayed answer more effective. Waiting too long to answer a text can be just as bad or worse than answering too soon, so you’ll have to get the timing down with lots of practice.

7. Have good grammar in your text – This is one of those general rule things. Sure, if you and the female are a couple of hood rats from the same neighborhood, then knock it out the park with shortcuts and slang. She may find it endearing. If she’s not your “Jenny from the block” though, it’s a good idea to do things like spell out your “you’s” and use commas, and start each sentence with a capital letter. It can’t hurt to get in the habit of this. You never know. It may make the difference between her blowing you off and meeting you somewhere. Over the years, I have learned how to properly text by making a lot of mistakes. Texting like the man you are will, like all other forms of communication, display who you are as a man in both your work and relationships. It’s worth the effort.

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