What is an Alpha male really? A realistic view

It seems this “alpha male” thing is everywhere. As a man, I have to pay attention to the whole concept. There are situations in life where some men will rise to the occasion, take over, and save the fucking day. Beyond that extreme situation, what is an alpha male really? I’ve been a man for quite a while now so you would think that I and guys like me would know what an alpha male is.

The truth is, it’s hard to define what an alpha male is. We men certainly don’t inherently know how to define it. So, let’s see if we can determine what an alpha male really is.


When a guy turns sixteen or twenty-one or even thirty-one, he doesn’t get a manual on how to be a man. There is no established determination on what a man is and what he should and shouldn’t be doing. We try to define it as best we can as we go along in life by examples set by older and other men. Each guy also has his own opinion on what a man is in terms of his own experiences. And that’s it.

So, although it’s impossible to define what a man is in an absolute, here are some general considerations of what it is to be a man:

1 You have a penis – This might be the only non-disputable characteristic of being a man. Even with taking into consideration all the gender status changes that have recently happened, a penis still defines what a man is. It is the basis of most things that drive him to do and be what he is.

There are just too many root fundamentals (excuse the pun) that connect being a man with him having a penis. There are, of course, some gruesome exceptions to this. Like if you’ve had your penis blown off when you were a soldier or had it cut off by some wife or cancer or some shit. Other than something like that, you have to have a dick to be a man.

2. You are physically stronger than most women – By design, males are physically stronger than women. Don’t shoot the messenger. A man likes being strong. It mixes well with the testosterone he has in his body. Physical strength is needed for manly things like dominating, fighting, and protecting.

3. You work – We are living in a time of supposed abundance. The result is that a lot of people don’t work much if at all. There also used to be this thing called a “nuclear family”, where the household had only one income. And it was the man’s. Today’s nuclear family has a broad definition as most women now work.

A man provides and protects, and he does that by working. A man also makes his own way in the world avoiding needing others. He achieves that also by working.

4. You support things and people – A man is relied upon for many things. His resources are used to promote stability and growth for those he cares about. His confidence that “everything will be ok”, or his consistency of presence physically, monetarily, mentally, and/or emotionally creates the structure and assurance needed for his family or community. A man is the rock that all unsure things can bang against, and never crack.

5. You let testosterone make some decisions – Some things can’t be worked around or reasoned with. They have to be plowed straight through with dirty hands and an aggressive attitude. And sometimes a guy has got to get his ass kicked. It may be some dude at work or it may be you being the asshole. Regardless, when it’s time to fight, the testosterone makes it happen. Testosterone can cause us to answer problems physically instead of mentally. There are times when the solution can only be physical, so it’s good to have this option. Testosterone can also get a man in a lot of trouble.

6. You have less emotion than a woman – A big fundamental to being a man is in his emotional stability. His stoic emotional condition allows the women and children in his life to not have to be. Sure, it’s ok for a guy to cry or laugh, but he shouldn’t be bawling every five minutes over the small stuff. A man can’t be emotionally unstable. And he can’t appear to be either by being overly dramatic like he’s in a Shakespearean play.

7. You defend things that are yours A man’s home is his castle. And when that castle is under siege, it is the job of the man to defend it. The same concept goes for all things that are his. A man cannot be passive in defending what is his, and he is relied upon by the people in his life to do so. A man’s wife, children, and/or any other dependents expect and rely on his defense. This is one of the things he “brings to the table” in their lives.

8. You have masculinity – This is opposite of feminine. A man dresses like, talks like, and carries himself like a man. Like I describe in our about us page, there is more to being a man than just having a penis hanging down between your legs with an ability to impregnate a woman. I suppose a male could wear a dress, heels, and make-up, have a shaved body and talk a few octaves higher, but he’s not acting like a man. And a man acts like a man. Period.

9. You take more control – A man certainly can be passive, but as a general rule, men attempt to and are more comfortable having more control in things. This is especially the case when things go bad. A man will attempt to fix a fucked up situation by taking control of it instead of just hoping someone else will.

So now that you know what a man is, Here’s 12 CHARACTERISTICS THAT CAN MAKE YOU AN ALPHA MALE

For most males, going from boy to man is a process that has many uncertainties. Usually, it’s trial and error that eventually brings us to manhood, and that’s not a comfortable journey. Some guys don’t have as much of an issue navigating to becoming a man. They are just inherently guided to do so. My opinion is that most alpha males are this way.

Unless some extreme environment or circumstance forces a man to become a leader, most alpha type males are born to be so. It just takes too much ego and desire to be in control for it to be taught. So if you want to be an alpha male and aren’t one already, then it’s gonna be a tough and exhausting journey to becoming one.

Here are some characteristics that most alpha males have:

  • An alpha male is a leader – It’s almost impossible to be an alpha male and not be a leader. They just have too many control issues in order not to be. Sitting idle and allowing someone else’s decisions decide their fate is just not an option. A strong ego and high level of self-esteem also drives him to have no choice but to be in control. And leaders are considered to be in control.
  • An alpha male is usually a competitor – An alpha male may or may not be overly competitive. But if someone is competing with them, he most certainly will do what it takes to win. He considers himself to be the biggest, the best, and the most deserving, so anything or anyone that challenges his position will be met with the full brunt of his abilities.
  • An alpha male doesn’t quit – An alpha male may not be willing to die on every hill, but he understands the value of not stopping. Losing or failing isn’t something that his ego allows him to consider, so since quitting often means failing, the alpha male doesn’t do that much.
  • An alpha male feels deserving to the better things in life – There’s a slight difference between feeling entitled and feeling deserving. An alpha male feels he deserves. A person can have little ego, no experience, or even hardly any skills at all and feel entitled to something. Rich kids can feel entitled to the money that their parents made just because they were born into the family. People from third world countries with absolutely nothing to offer come to the United States feeling entitled to things only because this is a wealthy country and they are poor. An alpha male feels deserving because of who HE is, not because of some association with a person or place.
  • Alpha males don’t ever feel entitled. They instead feel deserving of all things that are better. His high self-value ensures him that he deserves the best positions, hottest women, coolest cars, nicest houses, best food, clothes, watches, vacations, and so on. He simply believes the finest things are meant for him to have.
  • An alpha male thinks he’s the best – It would be really hard to be an alpha male and not think that you are the best at many things. They say the “meek shall inherit the earth”, and when that day comes, there will be no alpha males. Alphas propel themselves into positions of control by considering themselves to be the best.
  • An alpha male strives to be the best – It’s no secret that in order to be the best at something, you have to work hard at it. Alpha males know this and have the kind of ego that gives them the focus and energy work really fucking hard at things. There’s an important distinction between thinking you’re the best and actually being the best at something. Alpha males know that only believing that you are the best doesn’t make it so. They know that work has to be put in, so they do the work.
  • An alpha male places no other male above himself – Often times, alpha males don’t make good leaders because of this. In many situations, leaders delegate authority in order for things to get done well. A good leader will recognize the high value of other men and place them in power positions. A good leader will also allow these high-value men the freedom to do what they do best including making key and big decisions. An alpha male has a hard time relinquishing that much power. To an alpha, no other man is above them, period.
  • An alpha male tells others what to do instead of being told what to do – To an alpha, control is paramount. So it’s hard for him to allow someone to tell him what to do. Even if it’s something simple. Even a doctor giving personal medical instruction or a lawyer explaining what is needed to stay out of jail is hard for an alpha male to digest. Regardless of the situation, it just doesn’t feel right to have someone tell Mr. AlphaMan what to do.
  • An alpha male challenges authority – An alpha male considers himself to be the authority. This makes it hard for him to accept what is established. He may not challenge authority as long as he IS the authority.
  • An alpha male is a narcissist – Alpha males think very highly of themselves. Most have a hard time having any interest or finding any value to anything that doesn’t involve them. If you think you want to be an alpha male or have a high level of respect for them, know that they don’t care much for anything beyond themselves. And they will rarely put someone else in front of their own concerns. Unless of course, you are an extension of themselves like his child or something he built.
  • An alpha male is a doer – Alpha males are active men. They know it takes more than just talk and bullshit in order to achieve and keep control. Despite the negatives to being self-centered, alphas typically accomplish a lot in order to prove their status of being on top.
  • An alpha male has confident body language – Unlike Spanish or French, body language is known by everyone. We all know what people are saying about themselves and to others based on the way they physically move and look. And since alpha males consider themselves to be on top of everything, their body language shows great male confidence. Things like good posture, direct eye contact, and firm handshakes are standard BL fare for the typical alpha male.


It can be really hard to be a guy. A lot of men are socially awkward, have low confidence, aren’t good with women, or a number of other things that make them feel “wanting”. Some of these guys look to the alpha male as someone that they wish they could be. It makes sense when you see a guy who’s the boss living by his own rules and has a hot chick hanging on his arm and be wanting of that. But chances are, if you had to do and be what it takes to be an alpha male, you’d rather be who you are a hundred times over.

I’ve met my share of alpha males. Most of them are entirely in their own world so they can’t make any real connections with anyone. They may get the hot chick because women think alphas give them a higher level of security. But they can’t make a true connection with her. And most alphas are so driven that they can’t and will never find any normal degree of contentment. They can only constantly move forward by doing and commanding.

Some alpha males aren’t bad people. Their personalities just limit them for the deeper inner discoveries of the human condition. When you see an alpha male, you are seeing the best that he actually is. There probably isn’t much more than what’s on the surface.

I don’t mean to talk negatively about being an alpha male. There are certainly a lot of shittier ways to be a man. There are also a few better ways to live a male life. It just depends on who you really are on the inside.


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