Many years ago, an old man was at a wedding reception that my wife and I were attending. He was pretty damn old but still quite spry. While I was too cool to dance with my own wife, he came over and asked her to dance. Being too old to be harmful, she agreed, and I gave no concern because he didn’t seem lije a creepy old man. They both had fun dancing as this old dude was respectful and relevant and fairly quick on his feet. After the dance, the old man hugged my wife, then turned his head and pointed to his cheek for her to kiss it. When she reached in, he quickly turned his head and instead kissed her on the lips. We all laughed out loud. It was clever.
The whole event my wife had with this old man was nothing but harmless fun. After he danced with another young, beautiful, and willing woman, he came over to me to sit for a minute. “Man, you’re really cutting a rug out there”. I said.
He looked at me and smiled and said “I gotta tell you something, Sonny. Inside every old man is a young man saying what happened?”
“That’s a good one” I replied laughing. And even though I was only in my early twenties, I fully knew what he meant. Thirty years later, and I’m still thinking of the old man who successfully pulled off kissing my wife on the lips with no one being offended.
So how could he have done this? How can a man so old, (his social security number was in the single digits) dance and laugh with a beautiful woman a hundred years younger than him? The answer is quite simple really. He wasn’t creepy.
WHAT IS IT TO BE A CREEPY OLD MAN?
A guy can be a creep at any age. A young man can easily creep girls out by staring at them or making sexual comments inappropriately. With a young male though, women could think that the guy is creepy because he is inexperienced and doesn’t know better. Maybe he’ll learn how to be around women after he gets laid a few times and gets into a relationship, some might think.
When an older guy is creepy though, he doesn’t have that excuse. When a woman thinks about why an older guy is a creep, she more than likely thinks he’s just a predator with lots of experience in manipulating younger women. NOT GOOD!
Every creepy thing an older man does is perceived as one backed by knowledge and life experiences of sexual deviance. If an old dude is looking at a girl too much or too long, he’s thinking impure thoughts. If he says something sexual, he wants her. If he engages in activities too young for him or if he has a too contemporary wardrobe, he must be a sexual deviant, present only to prey on young women or men.
OLD CREEP PRECEPTION
It may not always be justified, but an older man who is trying to stay in fashion, maintain above average hygiene, and decides to drive a cool sports car or expensive motorcycle can be classified as douchey, which is one step away from creepy.
Many times, an older guy just got divorced, or his wife died, and he is now, for the first time since he was a young man, single and trying to find companionship. Not knowing any better, he tries to be who he was twenty-five years ago when he was last single. The things he tries to do while engaging with women that worked when he was young, now just comes off as creepy.
Of course, there are some authentic creepy old men out there in the world, and they can’t be improved. Odds are, they were creepy young men and had stayed that way for decades. What can you do? Lots of men are straight up pigs.
DON’T BE A CREEP! HERE’S HOW TO NOT BE A CREEPY OLDER MAN
It’s a sad but very common state of affairs that newly single older men go through a creep stage. It takes a little time to navigate through what makes you attractive as an older man. Here are a few things you can do not to be so creepy.
Don’t stare at women
This may seem obvious, but guys do this all the time. Ok, so, maybe you haven’t gotten laid in too long, and the girl across the room is stunningly sexy. Snap out of it and stop staring. You’re not twelve. Compose yourself and just sneak a peek at her attractions with dignity like the rest of us do.
Make no sexual comments or innuendoes
So, maybe you can only think of how you’d like to have sex with this woman you are talking to. She’s droning on about astrology or her job or dogs, and you are just nodding because you only want her in one way. Then you make an off-color comment about how a Sagittarius is a half horse or how a great dane would have sex with a chihuahua, and you’re surprised when she walks away.
I don’t care what the situation is. Do not say anything about sex, ok creep? Build an attraction by listening to her and proving it by asking questions. If you can stay cool and positive and not smell funny, the sex talk will come if that’s what you want. Let her drive that though, not you.
Dress fashionably but stay closer to your age range
If you find yourself in your forties dressing like a twelve-year-old boy at a skate park, that’s not good. And if you go to a club looking like a cast member from Jersey Shore even though you’re not from Jersey, don’t have the body or energy for it, then that’s not good either.
Any older man that looks like he is dressing so he can fit in with an age group twenty years younger than him looks like a pathetic old creep hunting for youth.
I’m not suggesting that you have to look like a grandpa who has given up to the point that he no longer wears matching socks. You just have to have fashion and style based on your age, body, and lifestyle. And believe me, no matter how old you are, you can look damn good if you do what it takes to find your style.
Have good personal hygiene
Don’t be offensive in how you look and smell. Older men can seem creepy if they are not clean and put together. Smelly, unshaven guys wearing old and dirty clothes can put off a vibe that they can only focus on their creepiness. So much so as they can’t even do what it takes to be clean. Sounds fucking creepy, right?
You’re older now. This means hair grows fast in places you don’t like. And a deliberate five-o-clock shadow doesn’t look edgy like it does on a twenty-five-year-old. It may just look untidy. Also, pay attention to how clothes look on your older body. You may not be able to get away with certain types of jeans anymore because you now have a beer belly and your ass got flat. Remember to wear clothes that look good on you, not a twenty-year model.
Hang out and do things with new and old friends
Nothing will bring you into social focus better than friends. The more you can be with friends doing things; the less creepy you learn to be. Creeps are usually so into their own creepiness that they usually don’t have many active friends.
Avoid being an old doucebag
I hope you know who I’m talking about here. You know the guy. New money timeshare salesman, newly divorced and orange from artificial tanning. He’ll drive a stupidly expensive car he doesn’t really like and wear clothes based only on who makes them. He may drink Japanese whiskey, smoke ridiculous cigars, and have golf injuries.
The doucebag is a close cousin to the creep so to avoid being potentially considered a creep, don’t be a douce.
While I believe that most older men are young men trapped inside, I don’t believe they should act on that. Sure, we still find women attractive and we still want to have sex with them in every way we did when we were twenty. But we shouldn’t act like spoiled little narcissistic boys who only think of themselves. We are men now and have been for quite some time. We know that real men give way more than they take in this world and are happy to do it and bitch to each other about it with a badge of honor.
Learn not to be such a creep. It doesn’t give you what you want anyway. It only makes people uncomfortable and silently take pity on you. From a distance, of course.