How to deal with a girlfriend who is bad at sex

If you are a relatively normal guy, then sex is a big and important part of your relationship. Sure, there is more to get from a girlfriend other than sex. It’s great to have someone to talk to, go do stuff with, and someone who supports you and really cares if you live or die. But if the sex between you two isn’t very good or doesn’t happen very much, then you’re probably not happy with the relationship.

You, or society, or your girlfriend can make you feel bad about the high level of importance you may have for sex in a relationship. Regardless though, if it’s important to you, that’s perfectly ok. And you shouldn’t let anyone reduce that importance. Sex is a wonderful, organic, and natural thing that is a staple for all living things. Wanting a healthy sexual relationship between you and your girlfriend shouldn’t be minimized.


I’ve spent a lot of hours listening to dudes talk about the sexual shortcomings of their girlfriends. Most of the complaints are pretty standard. Some aren’t though. Sex is a fairly simple process, but one’s sexuality is not. A person’s sexuality can be extremely complex and unique. It may be that your girl isn’t bad at sex. She’s just not good at being sexually compatible with you. Because of this, let’s first qualify her as being bad at sex.


They say there’s a lid for every pot. Some guys are more than good with the sex that his girl gives him even though, to most other guys, she’s not good at it. Here are some common complaints guys have about bad sex.

She doesn’t want to have sex for very long

Even if you are a premature ejaculator, you still want sex to last a while. It’s not much fun when she wants you to finish as soon as you get it in.

She doesn’t move much/she just lays there

This is as classic as it gets. Most can agree that a “dead lay” is not very good sex.

She only wants it in one position 

Some women only like missionary. Some only want doggie. Many never want to get on top. Changing positions is fun. Only one way to have sex gets boring fast.

She never gives oral sex 

There aren’t many guys who don’t like blowjobs. Some women don’t like it at all and will never give them. It says a lot about a girl when she won’t give you oral.

She’s non-orgasmic

It may not be her fault, but if she can’t cum during sex, that sucks. You may be OK with it for a while, but eventually, you want your girl to be able to finish.

She has poor hygiene 

A bad smelling vagina is truly an awful thing for everyone involved. But I’m not just talking about that. Bad breath and body odor can turn a decent sexual experience into a bad, “I can’t wait till it’s done”, lay. Don’t get me wrong though. To some guys, a little funk can be easily overlooked during sex. As a general rule, women should be cleaner than men. A woman not making sure of this before the “ugly bump”, can most definitely be classified as bad at sex.

She doesn’t like sex 

Unfortunately, some women just don’t like sex. There could be about a million different reasons for this but does the why really matter? In life, we all usually avoid and make sure we are not good at what we don’t like. Not liking sex will almost always make you bad at it.


OK. You’ve given it a lot of consideration and have determined that your girlfriend is bad at sex. And it’s not just because she only wants it in the dark, from behind, and never comes before the egg timer she has set for you to go off in two minutes. She also never wants to talk about sex and makes a noise of disgust when you bring it up.

Yep. She’s bad at sex for sure. What now? The standard piece of advice from guy to guy would be to cut her loose straight away. I went to a Chris Rock stand-up some years back, and he was talking about women who didn’t give blowjobs. He said, “like that’s still a thing?”, and went on to say “then she’s gotta go”. Personally, I don’t like to be that black and white about things but in this case, breaking it off is often the right decision.


We live in the real world. In many cases, it’s not so easy to just break it off with a girlfriend. Oftentimes, guys don’t want to lose their girl. She may be beautiful or funny or caring or good for you in some way. You may not want to be alone or have to deal with being single again. Your girlfriend may not be good with sex but is great in every other way. The bottom line is, you want to keep her. You also would like her to be better at sex.

So, what do you do now? You could just put up with the bad or infrequent sex and find a place in your head where you are OK with it. I don’t advise that though. The wanting for sex and all the cool shit that goes with it will not fade. Most likely, the lack of a good sexual relationship will fester like an untreated disease and later down the road; you’ll have some bigger problems than you had in the beginning. A couple of years could go by, and now there are kids, family, and financial responsibilities shared with this sexless female. Getting rid of her at that point will be a major issue. Not good.

If you really don’t want to get rid of your girl AND you know that just keeping it the way it is isn’t the answer either, then you could try to make the sex better for you and her. Here are some things you can try:


There have been some success stories on this topic. Some relationships have greatly improved their sex by making efforts in that direction, and you may be able to too.

Make sure it’s not you

This may be shocking to hear, but your girlfriend may be bad at sex because of you. Women are more sexually complex than we are and there are about a hundred things you could be doing that is blocking her sexually. Tighten your game by checking some of the basic things you can do. There can be books written on how many ways guys can be screwing up sexually. I’ll just cover a few basics here.

A. Have good hygiene – Don’t have bad breath or smell bad anywhere.
B. Be Nice – Don’t always be a vulgar speaking, sports watching, insensitive asshole. You may only “think” she likes that about you. Say nice things to her and about her.
C. Pay attention to her – Be genuinely interested in her life. Even though it has nothing to do with gaming or sports, Ask her questions and listen for real.
D. Be romantic – Do things for her without her asking. Get her flowers (I know it’s a huge waste of money. But is it really?) Make her dinner with lit candles. Take her out to where you know she likes to go.
E. Allow for foreplay – This is a big one. Generally, women require more of a build-up of sexual tension before they actually want to fuck. Respect that and see where it goes. Comments like, “So, you think I can get a little head after dessert?”, said during dinner is an epic fail. Try to make her wait a little for once.

Have a real conversation with her about sex 

Don’t think for one second that this will be easy. Talking about sex with a girl who is bad at it can go wrong in so many ways. Chances are, she knows she’s not good at it and that you are not happy with her sexually. This makes sex a very charged topic for her so you’ll have to tread lightly.

Take her somewhere special for dinner and don’t drink too much. Be nice and keep your cool no matter how the convo goes. Be as honest as you can. Tell her how important this is to you. Allow her to do a lot of talking. Remember that this is an issue you both are having. Not just her or you.

Take everything she says seriously. Don’t dismiss things as just “excuses”. They may be, but showing her respect for everything she says is super important. Know that she wants a good sex life too. Don’t make this a “him versus her” thing. Try to figure this issue out as a couple.

Plan romantic getaways 

Be as good at this as you can be. Make a real effort. Spend your precious time and money planning a weekend at a great new place. Be perfect in every way you know. Look and smell great. Be attentive to her. Do things for her. Buy something special for her. Don’t follow any sports and keep your head out of your phone. Don’t be an asshole. Be a cool guy.

And don’t have any sexual expectations. You aren’t doing this just to get laid. You are creating the perfect environment for romance. Make her want to have sex with you without you asking for or expecting it. This is key! Do some things you’ve never done before and see how she reacts.

Be more like you were when you met 

Was the sex good at first and then waned down to shit after a few months? If yes, then think about how you may have changed. “Fat and happy” is a real thing for sure. Do the things you did at the beginning of the relationship. Chances are you made more effort than you do now. Do some of those things even if they don’t feel right. Pay attention to how she reacts to the “old you”.

Be open and non-judgemental 

Women can be funny and fickle creatures. Your girlfriend may not be sexual with you because of something you said a while ago in passing. You may not even remember it when you were talking about so and so’s girlfriend being a freak during some non-related story. She heard you say it and it made her feel that you would judge her sexually as well. Meanwhile, not only were you NOT judging so and so’s girlfriend, you wished your girl was more like that. She heard the opposite and now won’t show you her freaky side, no matter what.

Reverse anything like that by letting your girl know that anything is OK with you and MEAN IT! If you can make her truly comfortable with being her brand of sexual around you, you may hit the jackpot by having a sexually free woman willing to give you everything you want. I’m talking unicorn status here.

Be a man 

This is an across the board great piece of advice but is especially important here. We live in a society where it’s not easy to tell how to be a man sometimes. At times, we will make the mistake of being too sensitive or too willing to compromise. In the end, though, the best way to make a woman want to have sex with you is by making her feel like a woman. And the easiest way to do that is by being a man.

Treat her with respect. Let her know that you will take care of her and protect her. Show her that you can trust her and that she can count on you doing the things you say you are going to do. Make sure she’s aware that you want her and that she is your woman. And by all means, even with a broken back and two broken legs, take out the fucking garbage.


Let’s say you have done all you can do and she still just isn’t cutting it sexually. You gave it your fullest effort, turned over every stone and did it with patience and respect. You earned the right to say that you tried everything and it didn’t make any difference. Well, that can happen for sure. It happened to me even though my ego told me that if I do everything, I’ll find her sexuality. I was wrong.

The sad truth is that some women aren’t very sexual and won’t like sex regardless of the perfect environment you have created for them. That’s OK as long as you now do what has to be done. At that point, she has to go! I’m not saying she’s hopelessly nonsexual. She may be with someone else but you know it’s not you (ouch). Time to put her on her bike and push. You may like her in every other way be let’s be clear about one thing. You must give her the shoelace express!


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