Competing for the same girl

This isn’t a high school piece. Sometimes we men compete for the same woman. It’s not as outwardly pronounced as it was in high school, but the competition is going on everywhere at every age.

The reality is if you are a single guy, you are in competition with other males for the same girl. You may not know who the guy/s you are competing with are, but make no mistake about it, if you are interested in her then at least one other guy is too. I think it helps to realize this. People are way too into their own heads. In this case, that means a guy trying to get a girl is thinking in terms of being her only choice. He’s not her only option, and him thinking that could hurt his chances for getting her.


Back in school you would kinda know who was pursuing the same girl. You could see him in class or between periods trying to hang with her. In today’s society with all the personal and private communications and online dating sites, you don’t get much opportunity to see who else is sniffing around. There are situations, though, when you do know. When it’s at your work or church or yoga class, you can see the guy.

Seeing the guy who is pursuing the same girl or even knowing him helps you a lot when trying to get her. If you can pay attention, you get all this feedback on what works on her and what she is attracted to. You even might have the chance to ask her about the other guy.

YOU: So what’s up with Tom? I saw him talking to you. Did he ask you out or something?

HER: Oh, Tom? I don’t know. He might have. He was asking if I wanted to go on the bike trail with him.

YOU: That’s cool. Are you going?

HER: Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t been on my bike in a while. Plus Tom kinda talks a lot. I don’t think I’d want to have to listen to him the whole time. I’d rather just ride my bike quietly and enjoy the outside.

YOU: Yeah, you’re right. He does talk a lot.

The dialog you just had with this girl gave you some good info. You’re not sure if she is interested in Tom, but you do know she has a bike and would like to take a quiet ride in nature. At that point you may not know it, but you are remembering everything she said. This guy is your competition so it’s all important to you. Now if you weren’t interested in her, you wouldn’t give a shit about any of it and it would most likely be quickly forgotten. But you like this woman, so all info will be remembered and used if it can be. We all do this automatically, so don’t judge yourself or anyone else. It’s your competitive nature.


Whoever you deem your competition for the same woman is, you will scrutinize him. He could be your boss or your best friend or some ridiculously accomplished good-looking nice guy and you’re still going to analyze him negatively. Again, don’t be hard on yourself. This is naturally automatic. Your competition could have everything going for him and is probably better than you in every way except he has something small like a crooked tooth. You’ll focus on that crooked tooth and use it to make you feel like you’ve got a chance at getting the girl over him.

You may not be an aggressive guy at all and really like and respect the other man interested in the girl you want, so you won’t even try to talk to her. But you’ll still think of that crooked tooth.


Almost all competition is good for us regardless of what aspect of life it’s in. Dating competition is especially good for all of us. Here’s some reasons why:

Adds value to the woman
Not to get too philosophical here, but we live in a society that defines its own values outside of nature. Competition drives this. You may not even be attracted to someone because she’s a little too heavy or has a bitchy attitude or whatever. But if others want her, then you will at least investigate why. Your mental investigation may uncover an attraction you have for her. And at the very least, knowing other guys want the same woman will reaffirm your desire for her.

Makes you work harder
So Tom from work is interested in the new girl too. “He’s kinda got his shit together,” you think. “I’m gonna have to step it up a bit.” Because of Tom, you are now wearing nicer clothes to work and keeping your car clean. You’re making yourself look better in little ways by being nicer and more pleasant in the office and are talking about more things than just fantasy football and fishing.

You improve yourself
“Oh boy, Tom is in pretty good shape. I need to get back to the gym,” you tell yourself as you watch him talking to the new hot receptionist. “And I gotta work on getting that promotion. I need to make more money so I can save to buy a house. I wonder if Tom has a house?” Competition will make you raise your game in every way and that’s good. You may need to start trying a little harder in life, not so much to get some receptionist with a great ass, but for yourself.

It challenges your contentment
For a lot of single guys, life is pretty easy. I’m not just talking about guys that make good money. Any single guy at any level can find himself just going to work, coming home to a dirty house with a refrigerator that only has last night’s pizza box, two beers, a bottle of ketchup, and some random old jar of olives in it. Your night will consist of eating the leftover pizza and drinking the two beers while you masturbate to some porn and then fall asleep binge-watching Netflix. It may not be too pathetic if you did that once in a while, but you do this like five nights a week.

Good competition will get you off your ass and start chasing that thing that’s been haunting you. Your potential. You’re not really content with jerking off with pizza-greased fingers every night, are you? No, of course you’re not.

Competing against other guys for the same woman is a stressful but super healthy thing for most. And the hotter the chick, the more competition. Don’t believe that hot model on that TV interview when she says “I don’t understand it. Guys never ask me out.” That’s bullshit. A model-hot woman is getting hit up at every angle that any available guy around her can think to try. And that’s good for all of them, even if most of them don’t get her. At least her hotness forced them to up their game and their lives.


  1. Xavier Gavin March 9, 2020
    • Michael Roberts March 11, 2020

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