Single and dirty? A man’s guide to being clean

Let’s be honest. Left to their own devices, most guys can be downright pigs. Without the presence of a mother, girlfriend, or woman of some kind, guys’ living quarters can get disgusting. There are reasons for this, I guess. Most straight guys aren’t “nesters”. They couldn’t care less what their place looks or smells like. Dudes just focus on what they are doing or want, and to hell with the rest, including a tidy household.

As a guy gets older, things get better in terms of his place staying cleaner. But without a female around or money for a maid, his place can still be a pigsty.

GUYS KEEP THEIR CARS CLEANER THAN THEIR RESIDENTS

Isn’t it so strange that dudes will keep their whips cleaner than where they sleep or take a shower? There are some guys I know that will make a half day out of cleaning their car. They will play music and drink some beer while meticulously getting every grain of dirt removed from their rides. When they are done, they may go inside and sit around dog hair and old pizza boxes enduring the sharp smell of cat piss and left out ketchup.

Girls are almost the opposite of this. I have known and dated some really clean and organized women with bathroom floors you can eat off of. But in order to ride with them in their cars, they have to first move a bunch of garbage off the passenger seat and floor. You almost never see a girl with a super clean car unless it has just been professionally cleaned or their man keeps it clean.

WANT TO GET LAID? BETTER TO HAVE A CLEAN PLACE.

I’m not saying all women are clean but certainly they are, across the board, cleaner than men are. And some won’t fuck you if you are too dirty.

I’ve heard this kind of story often. One of my girl friends once told a story of a guy she met. Things went really well the first night they met and after hanging out for a few hours, she grew quite an attraction to him. When he asked her over to his place, she said yes and to her, it was on. She told me she was excited to go back to his place but when they got there, everything changed. “I just laughed when I walked in”, my female friend said. “The place smelled so bad and was so dirty that I knew instantly that I wasn’t going to be able to have sex there”.

She hung out there for a while because she still liked the guy despite his gross living condition. His roommates came home a little later and she stayed for a while and then left. “So did you see the guy again?” I asked.

“I talked to him a couple times on the phone but never saw him again. He was a super cool guy but I just could never have sex with him.”

“What about you guys going to your place or something instead? I mean, you ended it just because he lived in a dirty house?”, I asked curiously.

“Well when I first got there, I thought about us going back to my place instead. But then when I went to use his bathroom and saw how absolutely disgusting it was, I realized I could never have sex with him”, she explained. That night when I got back to my own place, I cleaned my bathroom and have kept it somewhat cleaner ever since I heard this story.

Now again, I’m not saying all women won’t fuck you if you have a dirty place. One of the biggest players I know used to have an absolutely filthy spot and he pulled plenty of ass there. But, if you ask him, he’ll tell you it was more work to get them to have sex. And that was some years back. His place is much cleaner now.

BOYS VERSUS MEN

There’s something to be said for the attractive qualities of boyish charm. Messy hair and a careless, aloof attitude can be cute and maybe even get you laid when you’re like, sixteen. But as you get older, guys have to start manning up and one of the ways he does this is in being cleaner.

You don’t have to give up your skateboard or sell your motorcycle, but your mommy isn’t going to clean your room anymore, so it may be time to start keeping your own shit tight. And with the exception of a few cougars out there with “mother issues”, most women are attracted to a man instead of a boy. One of the bigger ways women define what is a man is in how clean and organized he is.

All of us males eventually make the transition. For some, it’s realizing that you missed out on getting laid because your bathroom looks like a science experiment. Missing out on sex can be a big motivator to grow up a little.

THE BENEFITS OF A SINGLE GUY HAVING A CLEAN HOUSE

Sometimes, things that are the most obvious get overlooked. Of course, everyone already knows it’s better to be clean. If you are a single dude though and your spot isn’t very clean and you have had a bad run on dating, then cleaning up your living space may be just what you need.

When you are out in the world talking to women and your place is dirty, bringing a girl back home is something you try to avoid. It may only be subconscious but you will direct any potential escalation away from your place. This may be blocking you from getting laid as the girl you are talking to may really want to be going to a guy’s place instead of somewhere else.

Conversely, if your spot is tight (slang for your residence being clean), then you subconsciously hold your head up higher knowing that if she wants to go back to your place, it’s clean. It may not be the nicest place or you may not be rich with cool stuff, but it’s clean. And that’s a slam dunk for most girls coming to some guy’s place.

Also, having a clean place will make you think better. You may not realize how much all that dirty clutter around you is affecting your ability to think and do. And if you keep your place clean and organized, you start to appreciate it more and may even buy a picture or a plant to make it look and feel better. The next thing you know, you are inviting people over to do stuff.

6 TIPS FOR A SINGLE GUY IN KEEPING IS PLACE CLEANER

If you are not a very clean single guy, you may have to develop some habits in order to keep your household tidy. Habits can only form by repetition, so here are some things you can do to try to form some cleaning habits.

1. Clean the dishes before going to bed

If you are a single guy, you probably don’t cook much. But you do use some dishes even if just for take-out or cereal in the morning and/or glasses for drinks. Dirty dishes aren’t too bad if left uncleaned for the day. Beyond that though, they can start to smell up the place, so make it a habit to clean all dishes every night before going to bed. This will stop that 5 day build up of dirty dishes or waiting to run out of clean ones before doing them.

2. Change bed sheets consistently

Believe it or not, if you get a female over to your place, chances are she is going to sleep in your bed. Now you may be good with two-week-old bed sheets, but hopefully, she isn’t. I can’t say how often you should change your sheets but at least once a week is maybe a decent guideline. If you only have one or two sets, buy a new set of sheets to make rotating them easier.

3. Wipe down your shower

The shower or bathtub is one of those areas of our homes that can get nasty. The main reason for this is that there is a lot of moisture. And moisture breeds algae and mold. I’ll admit that cleaning a shower sucks and I have waited way too long between cleanings. I learned a trick though that helps to keep my shower clean.

Every other time I take a shower, I take the towel I use to dry off and after using it, I dry the walls and floor of the shower. You may want to do it every time but with me doing it after every other shower, I don’t get any mold growth. It also prevents me from using the same bath towel to dry off with, as you have to wash the towel every time you do a wipe down.

Your shower will still have to be cleaned from time to time as soap scum will still build up some, but it will never look like a Scottish highland ground cover.

4. Do a weekly cleaning

My gay brother has been married and with the same guy for many years. For reasons unknown, gay men keep a much cleaner house than straight men. My brother is no exception to this as their place is fucking spotless despite the four indoor cats they have.

Their house is immaculate but every Saturday, one takes the first floor and the other takes the second and they clean their house for four hours. That’s too extreme for me but it works well in keeping their house like an operating room.

In single straight guy reality, spending a dedicated hour a week would accomplish a lot toward keeping a clean place. And doing it on the same day is a key to success in continuing to do it as you won’t put it off. If Saturday morning is cleaning time, then clean it then.

During your weekly cleaning, do things like moping or vacuuming all the floors, thoroughly cleaning the bathroom/s, and kitchen, and dusting and wiping all surfaces. This consistent overall cleaning will make a huge difference every day throughout the week.

5. Be aware of what it smells like

There are a few things that can make your place stink and you may not even be keen to it. Pets are the biggest thing if you have them. Leaving out pizza boxes or take-out containers will stink the place up. And of course, leaving dirty dishes in the sink for too long is a big contributor to a smelly house.

You may be cool with some stench but it’s not cool with any guests, so make yourself aware. Keep the cat box clean and give the dog a bath before he starts smelling like Fritos. Also, rinse your dirty dishes right away and throw away your trash before it stinks. If you have old carpet, get it cleaned. And have things that smell nice to keep your place smelling fresh. Diffusers, scent plugins, and candles can help.

6. Keep your place “visitor friendly”

Before you ever leave your place, think about what is lying around that you wouldn’t want somebody to see. Porn queued on your desktop or tv, a handgun on the coffee table, your dirty underwear on the living room floor, and condoms in the bathroom may not be some things you want someone to see when they walk in. Making it a habit to not have questionable things out when any possibility of anyone coming over is a great idea.

Being a single male and having a clean and tidy living condition is something that takes some time to learn to do. We all go through a transition, so don’t be hard on yourself if you are newly single and a fucking pig. Just take a breath, turn off the tv for a couple minutes and start cleaning up your act. Before long, it’ll just be habit and who you have become.

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