Knowing when to get out of a relationship is hard. Just about every relationship starts out with the best of intentions. Some guys have a hard time committing to someone while others almost have to have a woman in their lives, so they go from one relationship to another with hardly any single time in between.
Relationships form in all kinds of ways and take various amounts of time to gel. Some women are really hard to get. A guy will bust his ass trying to win her over and eventually get her in a committed relationship. Others will fall in love with you in a day and are quickly yours. This, of course, all works in reverse as some women will wait for a guy out and grind him down to finally committing while other guys will fall in love right after his first orgasm with her.
Regardless of the level of effort, a relationship took to begin, when you are in one, the way you live your life is different. You are now relying on another human being for things. And some of those things are big.
12 RELATIONSHIP VIRTUES (THINGS YOU RELY ON ANOTHER HUMAN BEING FOR WHEN IN A RELATIONSHIP)
Relationships are as unique as fingerprints. Most relationships won’t have most of these virtues, but they damn sure better have at least a couple of them.
Your woman should offer you some form of happiness, but this isn’t the must-have that it would seem to be. There are many kinds of relationships.
Even in open marriages, sex is usually a need that is fulfilled in one way or another. For most of us mortals though, this is a big relationship virtue. And as important as it is for most, it can commonly get few and far between or become totally non-existent.
3. Financial Goals
Sharing bills and big financial commitments with another human being is a scary and risky proposition. Most healthy relationships combine their finances with usually good long term results.
Financial goals are not easy to reach and require a higher level of sacrifice and dedication. In reality, it may be rare for two people to be on the same level. Many, many relationships struggle with this.
Some people are just fun no matter what they are doing. It’s great to co-exist with someone that you have a good time with. Some women can be kind of a train wreck financially and emotionally. But it may be worth it to you because life with her is always entertaining. You were bored AF when you single and now she makes you feel alive. What is that worth?
This isn’t my favorite primary reason to be in a relationship, but it does still take male sperm and a female egg to make a human. Raising kids is really fucking hard and its a lot easier when there are two parental units. I might be talking old school here but I’d agree that a kid has got a better shot at becoming a functionally content adult growing up with influences from both genders.
Some couples don’t really like each other but make a great parental team. For them, all the other relationship shortcomings are worth this positive one.
As a general rule, it’s much better to navigate through this life with another human being than it is alone. Some guys will disagree with me on this but that’s most likely because they have either been extremely burned by a female or females when they exposed their heart to them, or they themselves are just intolerable assholes. Regardless of the exceptions, most get into or want a relationship because they are lonely and need more companionship than a dog and two cats can give them.
Some guys are in or want to be in a relationship because that’s just who they are. They just can’t see themselves single where they have to worry about being alone at the movies, or not know where the next piece of ass is coming from, or have to deal the potential creepy dude status that comes with being single without a woman in their lives.
As pathetic as it may sound, some guys don’t need much out of a relationship but they do need to be in one because they just can’t be a single dude.
This can be a big, scary society for some. Having someone always in your corner can make a great difference in boosting your confidence level to the height it takes to make big, hard moves. Knowing that at least one human being has got your back no matter what can be a great need for some.
Having someone that you can trust to bounce things off of before you do them can be the advantage a guy needs to get him to where he wants to go and be. Solid support from a good, solid woman can be a worthwhile relationship virtue.
A good female friend of mine once asked me, “Why are you always picking girlfriends that need rescuing of some kind?” This was a stinging and sobering question but one I had a quick answer for.
“Because I need more purpose in my life,” I answered semi-chokingly. Some guys are just built to offer stability and motivation for their companions. This is one of the things they get out of a relationship. This works in reverse too as many women are looking to be a good support anchor for guys that desperately need that.
This qualifies for all ages but even more so as with older people. What I mean here is two-fold as it’s good to have someone care for you when you are sick or emotional. It’s also good to know that there is at least 1 human being in the world that truly cares about you.
A really close friend of mine has been married for several years now and it’s not a good marriage. My buddy is a good guy with a big heart but he’s probably not the easiest to live with and his wife falls short in many, many ways. Over the years he and I have discussed his relationship a lot and at some point, I decided that his marriage was not good and he agreed. After we both agreed that his wife kinda sucked, I asked him why then are you staying with her?
Because despite all her issues, I truly think she cares whether I live or die, he told me. I had no yea… buts for that. For the kind of guy my friend is, he really needs that.
It’s fairly common for guys, left with their own devices, to become financial and social disasters. There are many guys who just hand their paychecks over to their woman and let her take care of things from there. For me, this is a horrible idea but for certain men, it may be the best reason they are in a relationship.
America is a great place for dreamers. There is plenty of opportunity for things to do and start. And if you have some semblance of a job, the system will allow you enough credit to get you into a lot of trouble. Having a stable woman in your life who is depending on you for her survival will stop you from making really bad decisions.
I saved the best for last. For some guys, love is nothing more than unconfirmed folklore. Like Bigfoot. Some will say it’s a real thing and there are some blurry pictures of it. But in the end, it’s just not guaranteed as real. Like UFOs from other worlds though, love is widely believed to be real and many have felt it and swear it to be something they experience.
Regardless of whether or not you believe in love, it a big reason people get into and stay in relationships. For many, love is so important to them, that they won’t get into a relationship unless they feel it. The good news here is that love can be very loosely defined.
IDENTIFY WHAT YOU GET FROM YOUR RELATIONSHIP
It really doesn’t matter whether you’ve been in your relationship for just a few months or like 26 years. It may be hard to tell what you really are getting out of it. We incorporate our relationship in almost every aspect of our lives. This intertwining can make it hard to see the real value of it.
Also, we sometimes lose things in a relationship very slowly over a long period. Using sex as an example, we all have a shit ton of sex for maybe the first couple of years and then it tapers off. For many, the sex reduces down below the acceptable minimum level, and then reduces further to an embarrassingly small or infrequent amount. If you were in your first year of marriage and only had sex once every six months, that would be inconceivably intolerable. Somehow though, in year fifteen, you’re only having sex with your wife twice a year and you are somehow putting up with it.
It’s important here to be completely honest with yourself. Spend some time figuring out what you are getting from your relationship. Write stuff down if that helps. Be extra observant with what you do with her, what you say to her and what she does and says to you. Use any tools at your disposal to determine the real value your relationship has to you.
THINK ABOUT THE MAN YOU WANT TO BE
There are a couple of guys who are cool and content with who they are and what they are doing with their lives. Most of us just aren’t that lucky though. Most guys are dreaming of and/or striving to be more or different than what they are now. Think about the person you want to be and the things that you want to do.
Once you have determined who you’d like to become and what things you’d like to do, ask yourself the really big question: Is my relationship preventing me from being who I want to be? I’m not talking here about how the fact that you have 3 kids is stopping you from walking the entire Appalachian Trail or being a dedicated husband is preventing you from breaking Wilt Chamberlain’s record of fucking 20,000 women. I’m talking about the things to do to be your true self, not some dreamland bullshit.
SO YOU’VE DETERMINED WHAT VALUE YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS TO YOU AND IF IT IS STOPPING YOU FROM BEING WHO YOU WANT TO BE. NOW, WHAT?
If you are still reading this, it probably means you aren’t happy or at least aren’t sure about your relationship. If you have honestly accessed the value of your relationship and whether or not it is stopping you from progressing to the man you want to be, then it may be time to make some hard choices.
Most guys are simple creatures. It doesn’t really take much to keep us around even when we really don’t want to stay. Your old lady may be a selfish, uncompromising, and sexless bitch. And you may really hate her for most of the days of the year. Then, amazingly, that once a year blow job on your birthday and that fishing pole she bought for you (with your money) over the summer will be keeping you around for another year. Amazing!
I’m of the belief that we all know what we really should do in our lives. This knowledge is inherent in all of us but just because we know what is right for us, doesn’t at all mean we will do the right thing. It’s really fucking hard to get out of a relationship and most of us choose the easier path of staying put. The problem with this is that time continues to march on and if you don’t make the changes that you need to make, years and years will flow by. You may then find yourself old and broke no longer having the courage it takes to make a major change in your life.
The good news is that if you have procrastinated in existing out of your relationship, it’s never too late to do so. It may just be harder for you to do it as years of doing the same things make for very rooted neuropathways in our brains. And those old highways of the brain make it tougher for you to change.
IF YOU HAVE DETERMINED THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS NO GOOD FOR YOU NOW OR IN THE FUTURE, THEN BY ALL MEANS, GET OUT OF IT
It’s ok if you’ve been kidding yourself for years but if, during a moment of clarity, you see that your relationship sucks, then no more excuses, dude. Man-up and do what it takes to get the fuck out. It won’t be easy. It may instead be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. But it’ll be worth it. If you don’t believe this, ask some guys you know who have gotten out of bad relationships. They will very quickly confirm this.