Times have changed. I don’t know how many times I’ve said and heard this statement. I usually try to avoid talking about changing times and the past because it often doesn’t matter much in relation to present reality.
When it comes to dating and talking to women though, I feel it’s important to know what things were like not too long ago. As a general rule, men are more aggressive about going after it and dating than women are. That’s just the way it is. Well, I should say, that’s the way it WAS. In the days, guys would come “calling” on girls as they were responsible for the initial interactions for dating. Women’s motion toward dating would only be that they were “available” for courting. Times have changed in the dating world. Big time. Dating today has a lot of initial investigating with very little initial person to person correspondence. Then, when you decide you are interested in someone, you contact them electronically and see how they respond to you. If all goes well with a bunch of texts or private messaging, then maybe you meet somewhere in person.
NOBODY LIKES REJECTION
I bring up the past because, in the past, guys had to accept the fact that they will be rejected a lot during the dating process. In present-day dating, guys don’t take rejection or accept rejection as much. A long accepted observation about women is that they don’t like or handle rejection well. One of the differences between men and women was how each dealt with rejection. Nobody liked it, but guys had to suffer through it in order to get to the woman they wanted. It used to be very stereotypical to see a guy go over to a girl in a bar and she rejects him. He would then walk back to his boys, and they would have a laugh and buy him a beer or something. The other guys would always respect the courage of facing rejection. Did I mention that times have changed?
Over history, at least in our American culture, women have avoided being rejected by men like the plague. They would usually opt to be alone over taking a chance and talking to a guy they are interested in. It was up to the man, so if he was shy, nobody was talking to anybody.
Also, over the same history, guys didn’t like rejection but had no choice if they wanted to get laid or have a girlfriend. After a while, they would just get used to it, and it became no big deal anymore. Today’s dating process doesn’t require males to have to get rejected. They hang back now like girls do, and don’t make any moves. And since rejection is something you only get used to by getting it often, today’s male dater never gets used to it and thus, avoids it.
A DATING PROCESS WITH LITTLE OR NO REJECTION
Yep. That’s the dating world we all live in now. It’s grossly inefficient, but rejection is an awful feeling and confidence killer, so this is how we do it now. That’s the bad news. The good news is that if you meet girls old school style, the fucking world is yours. Women haven’t changed as much as men have when it comes to dating. They still love it when a guy sticks his neck out and approaches her. Well, as long as the guy isn’t some weirdo. Side point: If you are some kind of weirdo dude, learn not to be. Women don’t like weirdos. They are afraid of them. Girls don’t get approached much these days, so when they do, they are nicer and more responsive. That is good news for any guy willing to do it. The few men I know that are willing to approach women out in the real world are almost all players. Players and sex addicts don’t care about rejection. They are old school. They quit giving a shit about a hundred rejections and are now reaping the benefits of a dating world full of dudes who won’t stick their necks out. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel for any non-weirdo guy willing to approach women. You may be reading this and thinking, “well, a lot of good this information does me, I hate rejection, so I’m not doing it”. I get that, but there are ways to approach women and avoid being rejected. You don’t have to ask her out or get her number just because you approached her. Here are some tips:
TIPS ON MEETING WOMEN AND NOT GETTING REJECTED
Find something to say – Wherever you are, look around and find something going on that you can comment on to her. Maybe it was some loud noise or an interesting person that is there that did something. Maybe it’s hot or cold, or there’s a strange piece of furniture or wall color.
Anything that isn’t some canned starter is how you won’t get rejected. She needs to access your approach to her as that you are just a nice, friendly guy, commenting on something that happened. Pick-up artist approaches like pre-rehearsed stories or magic tricks designed to get her number are fucking lame, and a waste of time. They are a waste of time because women are super perceptive. And when they deem your initial interaction with them as that you are trying to pick them up, they will raise their shields faster than the starship Enterprise when a Klingon ship uncloaks in front of it, and you’ll be shut out and immediately rejected. Sure, you might get a number, but it’ll be worthless as it was only a way for her to get rid of you.
2. Make it short – So you found something interesting to comment on, and she smiled and agreed, and said something back. Good enough. Now, go back to where you were and what you were doing. Just because she acknowledged you positively, doesn’t mean she wants to have a conversation with you. Wait a while and be comfortable where you are. You may have another opportunity to approach her again. Wait for that. She may now approach you too since she doesn’t have her guard up and you were cool.
3. Make eye contact – When you talk to her, look at her and let eye contact happen. It’s important for her to read you, and eye contact is the best thing for that. Now, I don’t mean you stare at her, ok weirdo? Just a quick lock of the eyes. Not looking her in the eyes means you may be hiding something or you lack confidence. This is simple but important.
4. Don’t try to impress her – Women know when you are trying to impress them or showing off. When they think that, there guard goes up which is always bad. Side point: You never want her guard to go up. Trying to impress tells the girl that you like her or want her in some way, and when she finds that out, guess what? Yep, her guard goes up, and you are now knocking on the door of House Rejection. Always keep your qualities or how highly you think of yourself hidden. You may be the most accomplished guy on the planet, but if you flaunt it in any way, she’ll label you as a douchebag. And, truth be told, if you brag and always put forth your best foot, then you probably are a douchebag. Not good, Playboy. Let women discover your awesomeness organically. They’ll be twice as impressed when they find out for themselves.
5. Don’t ask her anything that she can answer “no” to – This probably sounds kinda specific, but it’s actually very fundamental to dating women. Women love to say “no”. It’s a power they have, and they’ll use it even when they really want to say yes. Consider the answer “no” as a default setting for women. Avoid her saying it by never asking something she can say that to. Questions like, “so, can I get your number” or “do you want to go get a drink”, are to be avoided especially in the beginning. Replace them with something like “we should exchange numbers” or “there’s a cool spot down the road that I go to sometimes, you should check it out”. You are much less likely to get the dreaded “no” answer from one of those. Remember, “No” is the quintessential response for getting rejected. You don’t want to make it easy for her by asking her something she can easily say that to.
6. Be yourself – I know what you might be thinking. What do you mean, “Be yourself”. You hear this all the time when guys talk about dating and picking up women. There’s a lot to say about how to be yourself, but that’s not what this article is about, so I’ll keep it short. When you are yourself, you are the most comfortable and confident that you can be. Women can tell when you are trying to be like George Clooney while in reality, you are more like Chris Farley. Always take a breath and be yourself. And if “yourself” is an untidy weirdo, then, clean up your act and learn some social skills. Then be your clean, non-weirdo self.
7. Don’t be creepy – If you don’t know what it means to be “creepy”, then please read up on it. If you are older, read my article How to not be a “creepy” older man. Women are afraid of creeps, and they should be. If you suspect that you are a creep, and then do what it takes to learn not to be one. It’s worth the effort.
8. Don’t try to pick her up – I am being a little redundant here, but some guys need to be told stuff many different times in different ways before they get it. I know I do. You are out in the world, and you see a girl you are attracted to. Engage with her. Maybe get to know her a little. Give her an opportunity to get to know you a little. Treat the situation like you’re talking to some dude or someone you are not attracted to. At any point, if she thinks you are trying to pick her up, then, up goes her guard and rejection become much more likely. When the time is right, you can ask her out. But I can almost guarantee that time won’t be in the beginning.
9. Be sincere – This can be harder to do than it sounds because you are talking to some girl mainly because you are attracted to her and don’t want her to know that. You may find yourself talking to her about some endangered African animal or kombucha, or some shit, and all the while you are thinking about how much you’d like to fuck her. That’s ok. You’re not being insincere. The minds of both of you are thinking about other shit while talking and listening. Just be true to who you are with what the topic of convo is. Don’t try to say what you think she wants to hear but always be nice, courteous, and respectful of her opinions. Keep in mind that you are just talking to another human being you just met. Further correspondence including dating her, will be decided later by her AND you.
Talking to women in the real world is not hard at all as long as you’re not expecting an outcome of some kind. And it’s just like everything else in life. The more you do it, the easier and better it gets. Good luck and do it. You will be surprised by the results.
