Florida often gets a bad rap for various things. It’s had its share of colorful law breakers, backwards ass thinkers, and a couple of faux pas with vote counting. Florida is also beautiful and has great weather which makes it a top vacation destination for the whole world.
If you are thinking about braving a trip to Florida, I have a few manly suggestions on where to go and what to do.
COMING TO FLORIDA TO GO TO DISNEY WORLD? OF COURSE YOU ARE.
Disney World is the number one tourist destination on the entire globe so it’s not unusual for you to be making a trip to Orlando. Disney is great I guess but most of it won’t feed your manliness so here are some other things you can do while in Orlando:
Downtown Orlando Nightlife
Downtown Orlando has a lot of bars and a lot of music. If you go to Orlando for Disney or a convention, set aside a night and drive your rental downtown for some drinks and music. It is kind of a later night place so don’t go before say, nine pm. Also, Downtown Orlando has a lot of beautiful women but it’s a younger crowd so if you are over 40 and not used to hangin’ with younger people, it may not be for you. The people are friendly and it’s a pretty safe place to party so go have a great time.
Go to a Magic basketball or soccer game
Orlando is a younger and energetic town that loves their sports teams. Their home games are fun to go to.
Find an airboat ride
It gets very marshy as you go east of Orlando and within driving distance of Disney or the convention center, you can find airboat rides. They are manly and fun for you and your family and will get you into some real Florida nature. You’ll see plenty of alligators, maybe a couple swamp rats, and maybe have to deal with some pretty big and ugly spiders. It’ll be loud, and you’ll have a hard time understanding the airboat driver’s thick accent, but it’ll be worth it.
GO TO MIAMI. IT’S LIKE LEAVING THE COUNTRY
The first thing you’ll notice when you go to Miami is all the people who don’t speak English. With it being only sixty miles from Cuba, Miami has a super deep Cuban and Latino culture. Go to some of the Latin clubs and eat some of the Latin food. It’s some pretty outstanding stuff. Find the right place and you’ll have a great time for sure. Beware though. Unlike Orlando, Miami is a big city with some scary areas and scary people. Watch yourself there.
During your trip to Miami, go to Miami Beach. It’s kinda famous. The first time I went there, I was walking down the beach and they were setting up for a women model volleyball game. It was free to watch and quite amazing as you can imagine. I remember thinking “ why aren’t a thousand people coming here right now to watch this?” as there were only a couple of people just hanging around. I guess a thing like an all model volleyball game is just no big deal in Miami Beach. If you go to Miami Beach though, bring money. It can be quite expensive to stay and eat there.
THE FLORDIA KEYS ARE LIKE LEAVING THE COUNTRY TOO
The keys are pretty cool and as you drive towards Key West, the water starts to look amazing. Like you are on an island in the Caribbean. Driving though the Keys takes a good couple of hours but it’s a great drive. You can stay anywhere along the way, but Marathon is about half way and a bigger Key than the others so many stay there.
There is great fishing and other stuff in all of the Keys, but Key West is where you want to go. Key West is a great place to spend a few days. The beaches aren’t great, and the snorkeling is not great, but the place is laid back and has a lot of history. Rent a scooter or bike to get around and do some drinking at some interesting bars. The Malory docks at sunset are cool with street performers. For a manly trip, go to Ft Jefferson. It’s a boat or plane ride from Key West but is worth it.
GO TO A FLORIDA BEACH. THERE ARE A LOT TO CHOOSE
Some of the more famous Florida beaches are Daytona, Miami, Cocoa, Destin, St. Petersburg, and St. Augustine beach. Here’s a small guide to Florida Beaches:
Miami Beach – See the above volleyball story. Need I say more?
Daytona Beach – You can drive on this beach and it’s fairly touristy. If you can, go to a race at the Daytona International Speedway. There are only a few races a year, but you might get lucky and be there then. Bikeweek and Biketoberfest is cool. The waves aren’t great, but you can maybe surf there.
Destin Beach – Considered by many lists to be one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. This beach is wide with beautiful fine white sand. It is fairly desolate, so you’ll have room for partying and privacy for beach sex. The water is nice but not much for waves.
Cocoa Beach – Good for surf lessons. Surfing can be good especially for a long board. Cocoa has become a cruise ship destination so that is changing some things about it. RonJons Surf shop is there and huge. This is a slightly seedy beach town but it’s fun and is pretty long, so you can have some privacy. Go to the nearby port for deep sea fishing. Drink at Coconuts on the Beach for some tattoos and skin watching.
Siesta Key Beach – Fun beach but crowded. Nice Gulf side water and pretty sand but usually no waves. Siesta Key is a party spot.
St. Pete Beach – The beach is just ok, but St Petersburg is a cool place to visit.
Sanibel Island – Better for a family beach week trip. Desolate parts. Lots of retirees. This is a good beach if you are wanting to get away from everything and everyone.
When you come to Florida to visit, it should involve some water. Most people that live there don’t take advantage of its bodies of water, but they always want to. Make sure and go to a beach or a river or some springs somewhere. Aside from the weather, that is what Florida really has to offer most.
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