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Be a Man When You Fly

Like everything else, the experience of commercial flying has changed quite a bit in recent years. Passengers used to dress up when they flew and acted politer. It was a bigger deal years ago as the social status of flying was fairly high. It also cost a lot more, every passenger got a real meal, the seats were wider, and the flight attendants dressed better and were better looking (at least that’s how I remember it)

We all know the flight experience now. We get to the airport two hours early so we can wait in line to get scanned before going to the terminal. And there’s no bringing any food to the terminal so we are forced to eat airport food. Most all the flights are usually fully booked, and the seats are very narrow and uncomfortable.

I remember being excited thinking about what the flight attendants were going to look like. Now half of them are dudes and the females are mostly frumpy with downgraded attitudes from dealing with an overweight and oversensitive adult public having to be crammed in too small a personal space for hours. Nowadays, if there’s one decent looking flight attendant on the trip, I feel lucky.

TIPS ON BEING A MAN ON THE PLANE

You may be asking “what’s this article about? Is there a problem with how guys act on airplanes?” I’m not at all suggesting that men don’t act enough like men on airplanes. Since flying has become a lot more stressful though, there is an occasional jackass on the plane. Here’s some basic observations to help make sure you’re not the flying jackass of the day.

Help out with the bags – The overhead bins on planes often fill up and it can be tough to get stuff to fit. Some women and older people are too short or not strong enough to get their forty-pound bag in the bin. This is easy. When you notice their struggle, be a man and help them out. Your pre-flight texting can wait a second.

Have good hygiene – Yeah sure this applies to everyone but as a man, you shouldn’t stink. You’re gonna be sharing that uncomfortable tube hurling through the air with maybe a couple of hundred people. I don’t care if you’re on your way to surf in Costa Rica or are catching a red eye back from forty-eight-hour Vegas bender. Take a shower and apply some deodorant.

If you sweat a lot, wear something more than just a tank top. And please, brush your teeth.

Manage your personal space – I get it. You’re a big guy and these fucking seats are too narrow. Tough shit buddy. Have some respect for the other people’s space around you. Don’t act like the little boy who can’t sit still or that chic who’s gotta spread all her personal shit all around all the time.

Respect the flight attendants – You may think you have the toughest job in the world and the job of flight attendant may not seem too physically demanding or mentally challenging. But they have to deal with all kinds of people. Some of whom think flight attendants are beneath them. Don’t be one of those guys. Treat them well and with respect even if they aren’t very hot.

Have a good attitude – So you’ve been having a bad morning. The dog crapped on the floor and cleaning it up made you late for your flight, so you couldn’t get coffee. Now you’re in a middle seat with a crying baby on one side and a chatty bore on the other. You’re a man so don’t blow a gasket. You can get through this flight without showing your ass. Just wait for that horrible airline coffee and hope the crying kid’s mom gives the little fucker some Benadryl. If it takes a couple vodkas to keep you cool then, by all means, do it.

Keep in mind that flying can be a super stressful situation for anyone. Some people are seriously afraid to fly. Others don’t like to be in confined spaces. Some are not at all comfortable sharing the same air and still others are on their way to see family that they had to move three thousand miles to get away from. Be a man by having a relaxed confidence while flying and setting an example for restraint under obvious stress. You never know. Some of the people around you may really need you to be a strong man.

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