Let’s face it. People are not easy to get along with. I feel people generally want to be good and nice to others but when life happens, we can become assholes and bitches. And as a man, dealing with other men is tough. We all have egos and hidden insecurities that can make us react aggressively or angrily to seemingly normal things.
There are some guys that get along with everyone. They seem to be able to say what they want, joke around, and somehow not cause offense. Other guys just aren’t likable no matter how much they try. How is this? I think most men want to be liked (whether you want to admit it or not) so here are two rules to getting along with other men.
RULE 1 – YOU GOTTA HAVE RESPECT
The head of my martial arts discipline used to always say “karate begins and ends with respect”. I was much younger when I first heard him say that and have to admit I didn’t really understand what he meant. Did he mean to respect the teacher, the basics, the training, my fellow students, my opponent, my karate uniform (gi), the organization, or all of it? I spent a good few years training before I finally understood what Hanshi (my teacher) meant.
My karate teacher, of course, meant that we needed to respect everything, but we all know that and that’s not specific to martial arts. More specifically, he meant to show respect to all possible opponents and self-defense situations. Most of the deadliest martial artists I have known were very unassuming people. You would look at them and never think they could kick your ass but believe me, they could. And what about the guy who is scared and walks around with a blade in his pocket, or a gun in his car. And there’s the guy who just lost his job or just found out his girlfriend or wife is cheating on him. Those are all dangerous dudes.
The point is that any man you come across in life may be able to do you harm. Becoming aware of that fact is showing respect and is a key to becoming a good martial artist. So, before labeling the other men you see, access them by making eye contact and watching their mannerisms and what they say. After some basic observation, you can now determine their level of threat to you, which ninety-nine percent of the time, is very low. Most guys will subconsciously pick up on this respect you are giving them and will automatically give it to you in return.
Respect doesn’t end in just accessing another man’s potential danger to you. It’s just the beginning. Ideally you want to give respect in all ways. Some guys don’t have a good sense of humor and will take your joking around the wrong way. Other guys are overprotective of their women and don’t like you talking to their lady. Then there are the guys who are passionate about big topics like politics or religion and are easily offended by your opposing opinions. Do you see what I’m getting at here? Learning to pay attention to your fellow man’s personality and then giving him the space to be himself is showing respect. This too, in most cases, will allow the other guy to return the favor back to you and your personality quirks. You’ll start to notice by giving respect to other men, that you will naturally get it in return. This will make you get along with other guys much better. I guarantee it.
RULE 2 – HAVE SOME UNDERSTANDING
Once you can get the basics down for learning to respect the other males you come across in your life, you can now start to understand them. This is a big key to other men liking you. After all, who doesn’t like to be understood? Nobody, that’s who.
Learning to have understanding can be as easy or hard as you want it to be. For me it’s quite easy to have an understanding of other men but for some guys, it can be really hard. Here are a few tips on learning to better understand your fellow man:
AASome guys you meet will say things or make actions toward you that you won’t immediately like. That’s ok. You don’t have to like everything, and you shouldn’t. Remember though that this guy doesn’t know you as you just met. The comments he is making couldn’t possibly be aimed at you. They are only about him. This guy may very well be an asshole, but you should wait before you make that determination. Don’t become emotional and wait a while. Maybe you’ll want to ask what he means by what he said. Or say nothing or whatever, but don’t get emotional about it. After a while you’ll be able to determine whether he’s a cool dude or not and then be able to act accordingly. That’s when you’ll have more understanding of who the guy is.
Listen and maybe ask a couple questions
The best way to understand someone is to genuinely listen to what they say. This sounds easy, but people can rarely get out of their own heads long enough to listen to someone else. Make an effort to do this and just about everyone will appreciate it.
Make eye contact
It has been said that “the eyes are the windows to the soul” and I believe it. There is a whole lot going on when eye contact is made in both directions. People are more able to access who you are when you look at them and that makes them more comfortable and that’s what you want. You can also tell a hell of a lot by their eyes and the information will help give you the understanding I’m talking about.
Put yourself in their shoes
Once you’ve listened and observed a little, try to think about who the guy is. Maybe he’s married to a fat woman. Maybe he’s still living in his glory college years. Maybe cars are his only passion. Whatever you find out about him, try to think what it would be like to be him. This may sound like a lot of work but it’s not. It just takes a minute.
Ok so now that you know a little something about this dude you just met, resist your urge to judge him. He is not you and you are not him so having some understanding of him works much better if you don’t judge him. It’s really that simple.
ALLOW PEOPLE TO BE WHO THEY ARE
Showing respect and having understanding for your fellow man are big things. If you pay attention to the guys who get along with everyone and have a lot of friends, you’ll see that they more than likely do these two things well. You’ll also notice that you can achieve this in many different ways. Don’t think for a second that you have to be a wimp or a pussy or a yes man. You can be yourself, whoever that is and still give respect and understanding. Unless, of course, you are a close-minded asshole.
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